Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.
Hello, Dear Diary!
Let me tell you a story about one beautiful weekend and one really lazy girl. I am so stupid sometimes.
Well, the las study week was pretty awesome. I am afraid such happy days wouldn't last much longer. We had great therapy. We didn't make ourselves look like a fool. I think our teacher was pleased. We found some information about him. Actually he's pretty cool and smart as hell. And one of his leading is cardiology. We are studying it right now. So, kinda nervous. We also had Yvrit. I still can read something! Yay! Also last week I was introduced to topographic anatomy and operative surgery. This one is one of the most important and the hardest of them all discipline. It is really scary. We learned about surgery instruments, how to make surgery knots, how to use surgery needles, how to hold all things. For me it is hard, cause my hands are growing out of my butt. But I'll hope I'll pass this one somehow. Well, about friday. Microbiologysts gave us A VERY BIG homework. And Pharmacology is very constant. We had test.
Well, what more? Still am sitting on a diet. Though this saturday was at KK's and couldn't resist the cake. I watched Princess Tutu till the end. It's been 6 months. I am very slow. Liked the anime. Didn't like the end. End was stupid, yeah. All is okay, I guess.)


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.
Hello, Dear Diary!
I am writing to you from Immunology lection. Such a badass! ;)
There's so many news I want to tell you. Let's start from tuesday. We had our Surgery in Dolgoprudnyy. But what is special the aftertime. We were going to our railway station, through the parking lot just near the hospital. And we founf money. A lot of money. Two packs of 5000 rubles. As we'll know later there was 150000. We were so thrilled. Went to the guys on post. They thought we were laughing at them. Make a long story short we found the owners and handed the money to them. They gave us 5000. So we decided to go to the bar. It was my first time in a real bar. We ate a lot of sushi, ice-cream andsome cocktails. I don't know about spelling this word right. So it was with alcohol. But very yummy. And I tried rome. It was fun.
The wednesday now is a day-off. We still have Yvrit though. Once in two weeks. But still. This is awesome. We can study topographic anatomy.
I am sick. Don't really know why. But the throat is aching and the voice is funny. KK said I am screaming at her. And I am not.
Well, see you later.


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.
Hello, Dear Diary.
I am soo sick. It is not even funny. Yesterday I woke up at 4 a.m. with just one thought - "To the bathroom! TO THE BATHROOM! QUICK!". And there was a lot of sneezing, a lot of coughing. Wonders how I didn't wake Angy. Then I woke up again at 8 a.m. Then at last at 11 a.m. And then one more time, last-last time at 4.30 p.m. Hedache was awful. I didn't even read anything, this is very sad. So today I am staying in my room and kicking d**ks. Tomorrow must go to therapy. Don't know if I'll manage, but hope.
Well, on the other side I almost didn't eat anything, so lost 3 kg in last days. Yay! Started watching Uta no Prince-sama. All is going smoothly. I'll fell all the pain from not studying anything for three days later. Very soon. But still later ;p. Well, beside that nothing interesting.
Going off.)


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.
Hello, Dear Diary!
How are you doing? I am pretty nice, which is kinda strange, taking in last days. Well, I went to the University only on Wednesday. So I spent there two days total. And all of it was for nothing. No-no, listening debates about today's politics was interesting, but not necessary. Listening about Immunology test also wasn't too great. And Friday, oh, the Friday! Day about nothing. I probably failed my Microbiology check-up's. Just cause it's me. And pharmacology.. Well, I didn't even try to study it. So now I have a pretty much big bunch of tails, hanging down from my back. Yay!
My illness doesn't even think about going away. It's like - "Oh, it seems you stoped coughing. Well-well-well, have a mucosefall from your nose. And ears. Yeah. I don't like them. And yeah, your neck's lymphatic knot. I'll make it ten times bigger, just in case". And I was just auuurrgh! Today I had a chance of coming to pharmacy. Mom said to get Sumamed. Well, I listened it all about taking antibiotics without doctor's permission. Well, I am almost doctor myself. Why can't I permit myself some Asitromicine, for God's sake? It's not like it is so dangerous, or have such side effects. Sure there are some, but I really need to become alright as soon as I can. I have studies here, people!
About studies! Guess who slept half the day and the other half watched "Uta no Prince-sama"? It's me! Yaaaay! Today was a lazy day. A very lazy day. And I'm not ashamed of myself. Tomorrow, I'll be. But now, pffffft. Get off, I am tired for no reason.
Well, that's all news for now.
See ya later!)


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.
Здравствуй, дорогой Дневник!
Крохотный, но значимый и весомый пост. На русском для удобства читателя.
Бывает, случаются и открытые психи. И ком в горле стоит, и все так запутанно, все так блекло. И ты пытаешься все это выразить, ком завязывается узлом, а из глаз начинают капать слезы. И ты не знаешь, реальны ли эти проблемы, или у тебя просто ПМС. В такие моменты понимаешь, насколько важны друзья. Люди, которые стерпят ТВОИ сопли на СВОЕЙ груди. Какой бы абсурдно-нелепой причиной они не были бы вызваны.
Анжела, правда спасибо. Ты - просто чудо. О лучшем друга и мечтать не стоит. А ты еще и умудряешься жить со мной в одном маленьком помешении. Закрытом, но уютном. Уютном от совместных воспоминаний о мультиках, только наших с тобой шутках и темах, разговорам до темноты, совместно поедаемым ужинам и доширакам. Я так рада, что встретила тебя в своей жизни. Бобра тебе и побольше тепленько-толстеньких котеек!)))


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.
Hello, Dear Diary! I am writing to you from Microbiology lection. Again! And I am getting away with it! (C) >:D
What to tell you about my nowdoing? I am currently sitting on Post. Decided to try it once more this year. I am being more hard to myself, so TRYING (the key word) not to eat eggs and milk products. Hope I'll succeed. The studying is going smoothly. I didn't close any of my tails, but still, all is pretty well.
Rereading Checkmate. Yeah, again. Tomorrow gonna go home. Today'll spend the night at KK's. I think we will have a nice time. And tomorrow morning to the Vladimir!
Well, what more? Tuesday after surgery I grabbed Nadya and we went to the 'Red Pencil'. My automatic pencil was broken, so I bought a new one. It is pretty nice. Also I bought myself a new copic. Like a present on the March the 8th. Don't know. A grey one. Next one will be skin-colors. Three or four. They are pretty usefull. Maybe I'll try 'Touch'.
Desighned a new character. The Hollow girl. Actually I made her up last Friday. But today I drew her. Chibi stile, but still. On Pharmacology I'll try to draw her normal.
Well, don't have anything to say anymore. Going off! ;)


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.
Здравствуй, дорогой дневник!
Пишу тебе на русском из дома и быстро. Ибо завтра вставать в 6 утра, а у меня ни сумки не собраны, ни гаджеты не заряжены, да и пичалька вообще. Дома хорошо. Дома есть быстрый интернет, с которым я абсолютно не хочу расставаться. Нееееет. Хочу себе интернет в общагу. Надо собраться, да и купить модем. Хватит в игрушки играться.
Так, возвращаясь к посту. Выходные прошли классно. Неплохо посидели у КК, хоть и мало. Здоровски пообщалась с семьей, получила немного денежек в подарок. Повидалась с девчонками. Спасибо им за выкроенные несколько часов веселостей всяких. Ничего не сделала полезного, кроме распечаток учебника. Топка и иврит 4эва! Мама сварила мне риса, который я завтра утащу с собой. Постирала все, притащу в общагу чистое постельное белье. В общем, спокойное тихое счастье в душе. Спокойная тихая паника в разуме.
А вообще, грех жаловаться. Неплохо отдохнула, выспалась даже сегодня. И скачала всего Рэнди до конца. О чем еще мечтать обычной 19-летней девушке, учащейся на врача? Ммм? Вот и я о том жеж!
Пока-пока! ;-)


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.

Hello, Dear Diary! Guess what? I am writing to you with an epigraph. At Wednesday. Do you understand what it means? Yay! It is internet! In Moscow! In Peredelkino! In hostel. So I broke down. I needed it. So, no I have a USB-modem. And for now it works perfectly fine.
My mood on the other hand has gone lower. Cause, you know? I feel like a wild animal, that just HAS to battle to survive in this modern urban jungle. Want to have good education? Fight! Want to communicate with nice people? Fight! Want to get a job? Fight! Fight! FIGHT! FIGHT!!! And really I am sick of tolerating all this mess. I am stressed already. My neural system is overworking 24/7. And nothing is gonna ger easier or softer. I just really wanna be a little kid again. Not that I am now an adult. Just a bigger kid, I guess. I want to go to the 5th grade and be 10 years old. And play with dolls, and do homework two hours a day, and hang out with friends and to not really have any problems with life. But being little kid also had dark sides. So I guess maybe it is for a better, that I slowly become older. Still cartoons ROCK! Yay! ^^
Well, next two days are harsh, so probably you'll not get a post till the end of Friday. And on the weekend I am going on a night duty to the hospital, maybe I'll write you from here.


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.
Hello, Dear Diary!
Finally, writing to you. Through the phone, but still. Well, harsh days are gone leaving me with one more tail. This time - operative surgery. He didn't wanna take our works, so six of us (I mean my friends part) were left with our papers in ours hands. Angy was angry. I was just sad. Cause you know, my team really had a big situational problem. The biggest of all, I dare to say. It's not like we were thinking too slow. It's just half a paper answer! Soo unfair. I think tomorrow I'll go and rewrite it. Very fast this time. Well, then. Pharmacology. It's not even funny. How unfortunate can I be? You know, there 8 varieties of the test. I had answers to first 5 of them. Guess who's got the 8th! I was so pissed at my bright aura of a loser. Still, I think I could pass. So, let's wait till the Friday.
The night duty in the hospital was smooth. We even slept for 6 hours. We went to the operation, where I felt myself dizzy. Really dizzy. We met Anzor. He is quite a nice guy. Teached us, and don't forget I am a slowpoke, how to do intravenal injections. I got KK's blood. It was sooo awesome! I did it! I managed it! I am so proud. Guess it may seem pretty stupid to act like this when I had managed it only one time. But the Moscow wasn' built in one moment.
Well, and about last-last days, or preciesly, yesterday. Yesterday~ All my trouble seemed so far away~ And it's true. We had common surgery lection, watched some pacients with amputation aaaaand! Went to the KillFish! Had a nice time. Last one I had a bubblegum. Yesterday had a blue lagoon. Liked Vanya's parkur. It was mint flavoured and nice shade of green. Also I tried Ugay-Yaki don. It was soo delicious. Mmm.
Well. All for now. Today is going to be very long and studyfull.
Going off!


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.

Hello, Dear Diary!
The epigraph to please the spring! Maybe it'll see how much I am awaiting for it's come and finally appear in whole glory with green grass, green leafs, bright sun, cheering birds and little yellow flowers all over the place. I am sure I'll see some ducks this year too, cause I already had heard one or two of them. And the frogs, oh the frogs! Pure little creatures drived by unstoppable want of reproduction. Though they are not the only one, if you know what I mean. Hope, this spring's hormonal rise will leave me untouched, cause I don't wanna even think about feeling so stupid and helpless, like last time. Awful human feelings. I am starting to break under the unstoppable want of eating meat though. Today was my second break. Maybe I'll make the week after the next - a meat-week. Cause my powers are running out. I am so pitifull.
Well, about my nowdoing. The studies are killing me. Too much, too fast, too rough. It's the hardest part of all three years. I hope, it'll be the hardest part of all six years. Next week I have therapy. Electrocardiography. It's not like I don't know it! It's just. The pressure of my teacher is sometimes too harsh. Work it harder! Make it better! Do it faster! Makes us stronger! More then ever! Hour after! Our work is never over! A song about my life. Well, the biggest and the latest part of my life.
I'll write you more soon.
See ya!


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.

Hello, Dear Diary!
Sorry for keeping quiet for too long. I am really stressed with my life now, not in a bad way. Just thrilled, I guess. All is somehow gearing and spinning, making my life story moving.
I am in such stupid mood. I told you about it some posts lower. Everything is bleak. I cried some. Yesterday. Hiding in a pillow. Still it isn't going away. Looks like I need to just wait. The sun is shining, the sky is as blue, as it can be. But it's so cold outside. And there I thought freezing days were over. Naive me.
I saw ducks yesterday. And seagulls. And albatross. The one. The only. I tried to feed them some bread. But I stood against the wind, so this brilliant idea didn't turn out well. But still. I hope, when I went away they ate it. They looked so cute. I love birds.
There is alot of studying. But there is even more laziness in me. I don't know what's happening with me. Cause it's like, when I lie on my bed I can sleep almost in any time, in any condition. Maybe I should visit the doctor. Cause my sleeping issue is not funny at all.
Well, that's all.
See you later.


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.

Hello, Dear Diary!
Today was quite a strange day. You know, ordinary routine day. And still, my mood is flying high. I hope the wave I am on, will not go down, cause it seems like I finally catched my rhythme. You know I found strength to stand up and smile. My inner world is litted up with sunshine and cheering birds. Really want this feeling to last longer. I really need a wake-up call. To do all the things I need to do. And there is a lot things I need to do. The studying, making scarf, communicating with people. Really need to climb out of this despair-depression-hopelessness-whatever-it-is! I am much stronger than many think. There is always hope! The sun is gonna keep on shining, rising ther beneath horizon! My love for life will keep on wising! Everything is gonna be alright! Everything that downs me makes me wanna fly!
The 10th Dannyversary was yesterday. I bought beer and rewatched the first episode. Oh. That was sooo nice. Today Angy is on night duty, so I have some time for myself. Listening to music and sleeping. And tomorrow is gonna be a busy day. Very busy.
And today is song's quote day! Yay!
Theres so many wars we fought
Theres so many things we're not
But with what we have
I promise you that
We're marchin on
We're marchin on
For all of the plans we made
There isn't a flag I'd wave
Don't care where we've been
I'd sink us to swim
We're marchin on
We're marchin on
We'll have the days we break
And we'll have the scars to prove it
We'll have the bomb that we saved
And we'll have the heart
Not to lose it


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.

Здравствуй, Дорогой Дневник! Сегодня на русском, ибо пост ни о чем, ака философия моей жизни. Где я опять буду, распинаясь вовсю, выкладывать тебе свои корявенькие мыслишки и умозаключения.
Ну так, в общем. О чем я сегодня. Много думала о соотношении-таки нытья и удачи в этой жизни. То есть, как бэ есть удача. К каждому она повернута разной стороной, многосторонняя такая переменная нашей жизни.) Кому-то везет, кому-то нет. И уж, удача, сволось этакая, вещь абсолютно нелогичная, не поддающаяся объяснению, да и вообще. Преподавательница по ивриту сказала нам на прошлом занятии: "Нууу.. Козероги? Что тут сказать? Этим людям ничего не дается в руки просто так. За все им надо работать". Я еще подумала, да нууу.. Я удачлива в меру адекватной удачливости. А потом поговорила с другими людьми иии.. нет) Похоже я действительно лузер, ибо на каждый мой аргумент находится контраргумент, как только я расслабляюсь, так со скоростью света сползаю с покоренной отметки, да и вообще вечно приходится кому-то что-то доказывать и все бороться-ругаться-защищаться. А жаловаться-то, в принципе, и не на что...) Нельзя рассказать о трудном детстве, о недостатке любви или поддержки, особо-тяжелом материальном положении. Все вроде путем. Среднестатистический человек добивается среднестатистической цели, стартанув со среднестатистической отметки, и движется с вполне среднестатистической скоростью. Уныло и неоригинально. Хотя на самом деле, мне кажется, что я оригинальна. Но это заблуждение.
Ныть, как видишь, не на что. Поэтому оно выливается по всяким мелочам, зато в большем количестве. И вот тут-то и подвох. Чем больше ноешь, тем меньше удачи. Ты, как частичка огромной Вселенной, начинаешь притягивать к себе все свои поплакушки-понытушки. И Вселенная с радостью тебе их вручает. Все твои столь часто притягиваемые горькие последствия. А удача совсем другая переменная, которая плевать хотела на космические законы. Она либо сегодня есть, либо завтра ее нет. И как ты не перекручивай, а выходит, что хлипкой удачей своих проблем не решить. Оптимизм же, с другой стороны. Можно оставаться неудачником и не ныть. И тогда жизнь покажетс тебе медовой плюшкой. Ибо удача тебя уже не волнует. Только положительная энергия, ссылаемая тебе космосом и проявляющаяся в вечной бодрости и позитиве. Лучше уж быть счастливым неудачником, чем удачливым нытиком. Какое-ж тогда счастье. Буду счастливым неудочником, и космос ниспошлет мне что-ниудь радостное.
The End.


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.
Hello, Dear Diary!
Some fasto-post without an epigraph, cause I've got some more things to do.
Yesterday and day before that I was on my night duty. Saw two more operations. And got to take KK's blood again. Yay. I managed to do it second time! Yay-yay-yay! Soo, all went well, even if my mom wished us luck, cause it is a bad sign to wish luck.
Don't really have much to tell you. Studies are going alright, I closed my Pharmacology tails. Still have one - the damned operative surgery. Don't know where, when or how I am gonna close it. Will try to do my best.
Well, going off, cause I really need to study my patilogy check-up.
See ya!


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.
Привет, дневник!
Понимаю, что по моим "частым постам" можно подумать, что я умерла. Но нет, еще нет. Пока нет. Быстрее бы уже..

В общем, учеба. Хэ-хэй. Да. Я помню. Мне говорили, что это худший курс. Мне говорили, что это жесть. Нооо.. МАМАРОДИМЕНЯОБРАТНО! Я нехочунехочунехочунехочу! Все очень плохо, дневник, очень. Я по ходу это.. Не выхожу на сессию, ибо а как??! КАК ВООБЩЕ ВЫЙТИ НА ЭКЗАМЕНЫ? Я ЧТО БЛИН МАГ?
Ситуация просто тупо абсурдная донельзя. Закрываешь одну отработку - получаешь еще две. Гребаный мед. Чтоб я еще хоть раз так протупила и выбрала тебя в следующих жизнях!
кратко о моей боли
1) Разбиться в кровь, чтобы написать идеальную курсовую историю болезни.
2) Когда я говорю разбиться в кровь, то я почти что реально это и имею в виду.
3) Заразиться от пациента, по которому ты писала историю болезни.
4) Заболеть ОРВИ во время сессии.
5) С температурой ездить и ходить на пары, пытаться что-то сдать
6) Сидеть в холодных подвалах с температурой и учиться шить
7) Сидеть в холодных подвалах с температурой и заледеневшими руками сжимать ледяные железные инструменты
8) Валяться с температурой в общаге
9) Попрошайничать и выпрашивать лекарства у друзей
10) Вообще много ныть и всех достать
11) Твоя идеальная курсовая история болезни у всех преподавателей получила бы отлично
12) У всех кроме твоего, который уверен, что ты дебил, каких свет не видывал
13) Ты получишь за свою идеальную курсовую историю болезни три
14) На экзамене преподаватель, увидев три за курсовую историю болезни точно не поставит тебе пять
15) Прощай, стипендия!
16) Устраивайся на вторую работу, бестолочь!
17) Ты не получишь никаких автоматов, ибо у тебя тетрадь не систематизирована
18) Что-что? Ты не хочешь 4 автоматом!?!? Ладно, на экзамене три получишь, уж я позабочусь
19) Переписывай тетрадь, и мне плевать, что ты там бормочешь про нехватку сил и времени
20) Два реферата. И пиши сама. И защищай. И вообще.
21) На тебе тесты к зачету. Только это не те тесты.
22) Ммм, ты выздоровела? НЕТ! ЗАБОЛЕВАЙ ПО ВТОРОМУ КРУГУ!
23) Что такое? Стоматит растет как на дрожжах? Бедняжка. Но ко врачу ты не идешь
24) Потому что нет времени даже купить лекарства
25) Купила лекарства? Не хватило времени писать тетрадь
26) У тебя вообще никогда не будет времени ее переписать!
27) Да и вообще, что ты все не сдохнешь никак?

Вот такие пирожки с котятами. :cat: Ешь, а они мяукают.


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.

Hello, Dear Diary!
Finally some adequate post about my nowdoing. Well, it's not like past month was so very interesting. Studying, studying, studying some more. There were holidays, on which I happily didn't do anything. On May the 1st I went home. Sleeped, ate, hung out with my parents and friends. Visited Ksusha's grave, by the way. On May the 9th I visited a lot of places. Firstly I hung out with Anton. We went to look at fireworks. Chatted a lot. Though to me it seemed, like I chatted a lot. I rode through night Moscow with cool music. It was awesome. Got to KK on May the 10th at 2 a.m. Lol. Next day me and my aunt visited Pushkin's museum one more time and went to the thathre. We watched Otello. I am somehow sad, it wasn't a traditional perfomance. Nevertheless it still was fantastic. Maybe too symbolic.
After such joyfull weekends I was studying like a mad dog. I am still in a process. Catched some cold from my pacient. But now am feeling so much better. The only thing troubling me is stomatite. Cause it's growing. I already have 3 or 4. And I need to see a dantist. But for now I don't have time for it. So, I hope to close my session as quickly, as possible to come home and go to him. The session itself is deadly. But today my spirit is uncharacteristically high. I am so tired from all of this, I ain't even whining. Can you imagine?))
But I am still angry at some people! They are just so strange. And mean. But it's nothung. Cause like my epigraph is saying - I'll come out and have my revenge someday! Nye-he-he!
Celebrated KK's B-Day yesterday.
Well, what more? All is OK. There is a nice song!

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Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.

Hello, Dear Diary!
Finally the check-up session is closed.I still don't understand how I've managed it. All is kinda blurry, but STILL! Well, for now I have 5 exams. Hope, I'll pass them with nice grades, though it is very hard. All of my exams are kinda massive. On all five I have a massive book full of medical knowledge. And although I studied through the year I kinda don't remember anything. So next month is going to be full of work, but I'll write to you more now. Today was my last relaxation day. Tomorrow I am gonna study therapy, as if my life depends on it. Cause literally, maybe not mine, but some lifes really will depend on it. So I should understand and memorise everything as much as I can. I don't think I'll pass my exam with an A. Cause I already have two B's for test and the Story of illness. Am really nervous because of patology. My teacher still haven't said a word about my work. And it creeps me out. Hope tomorrow I'll know.
Well, what more? I visited KK last weekend. We went to the Park and had some pretty wild rides. Screamed a lot. Also I went home just to visit the hospital. Was officially dyagnosed with nervous tick. Ha! Told you my studying is making me crazy. It is lasting for two weeks now and doesn't seem to come to an end. The doctor said I should drink nootropes. I'll strting from tomorrow. Hope it'll help me to concentrate on my studies.
Well, all for now. See ya!


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.
Записки о не суть важном.
О, этот неловкий момент, когда ты брешь в руки альбом и карандаш после полугодового периода. И ты видишь прогресс из ниоткуда. Только потому что за все это время ты, хоть и находясь в состоянии нерисовача, яростно фапал на чужие арты, обдумывал их, плакал, учил анатомию, опять фапал, жаловался Наде и снова плакал от ощущения своей криворукости.
И, о чудо! Ты стал более хорошо понимать перспективу и умеешь пользоваться референсами без того, чтобы их срисовывать.
В чем же подвох, спросите вы?

Ну... Просто ты блеан сразу видишь какой ты лох в композиции, и поза дико не статичная, динамика рыдает в углу, там кусок пустого места, тут не влезло, ткань, конечно, неплохо лежит, но складки на ней все равно не нарисуешь как надо, и как-то ты рисуешь в непонятном гибридном стиле, и волосы!ВОЛОСЫЗАЧТО?!

А так, да. Рисую потихоньку. V.V


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.


Хочу жить вечно. Пока получается.
Hello, Dear Diary!
No epigraph, cause new design! Yay! I am really lazy to do something epic. So here we are with a space-theme. Truthfully I just wanted to paste somewhere the quote from the song in epigraph. Cause so true. So here it is.
Lazy to write more. I am pretty Ok, if you're interesed. Not too much Ok. Just normal kinda Ok.)
Still have two more exams and summer practise.
That's all for now.
I'll try to tell you more in a few days.

When the sun sets...